


Food (And Going Without It)

by chewtoy



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mostly Kylo, Pain, Prison, Rollarcoaster Story, Starvation, Torture, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 10:26:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8529478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewtoy/pseuds/chewtoy





	

Cooked meat. Cooked meat and spice. Butter on potatoes and fresh fruits that just reached ripeness and vanilla and sugar in butter and something salty, maybe cheese, and. The scent of cinnamon.

Kylo didn’t sit up. Longed to, yes. Hungry, yes. Starving. Yes. Bed hard and lumpy, sagging in all the wrong places, yes. This was not the first time. Not the first time Snoke had screwed in his mind and confused memories with realities and made him question his sanity and starved him to the point where to sit up would deplete most of what little energy he had stored up. Not going to be the last. All in the head. All of it.

Snoke called his name, also in the head, “I’ve gotten someone to bring you food. Come on, go eat.”

Said that before. He said a lot, rarely happened.

“Kylo, I’m not trying to trick you! Just sit up and see!”

Everything was lies. Snoke was proof that eyes can lie. He had no body, left no trace. You could see his and feel his and break through his skin and vein and bone and touch his hairs and smell his neck and taste the cup of water he handed you except that when he left. It was all gone. Just memories. No movement of dust. No water in hand. No one had seen his except who he chose.

Said, “Kylo, you have to eat.”

Snoke wouldn’t allow. Killing him would be killing him too. He knew he’d survive more days without food. Snoke never gave food until the last.

But it hurt. Hurt in the stomach and head and muscles and throat and mouth, his mouth was dry and sticky, eyes burned. There was always the possibility. He could be telling the truth. This time. But had that impulse even come from his own mind? No, no he wouldn’t sit up. Wouldn’t give his satisfaction.

“Idiot,” he snarled. Thought he left. Though that could have been a lie too.

“Hey.” High voice speaking lowly. Snoke spoke highly. He didn’t remember the door opening. Though could’ve been quiet. “Hey, are you awake?”

He grit his teeth and closed the eyes tighter. He recognized that voice. No. Longed to hear that voice. No. Needed to hear that voice. Yes. That voice meant Hux was finding him. Saving him. Except when it didn’t.

“Do you want to eat?” his voice asked.

Not real. Not not not real. Yes, definitely not real.

“Are you alright?” his voice again.

Snoke would get tired some time. Soaking in it right now but power still limited.

“Do you need anything?” he asked.

Cool hand on forehead. Wiping sweat away. Checking temperature. Kylo wished upon existence it was him, with his he could escape and get back in control and use Snoke’s power against his and go back home and heal and eat food. Food. Food, again. Finally food. It was definitely him. Had to be. Snoke never had energy for more than haunting sounds and smells, not this. A hand on his forehead. Had to be real. Felt real.

“Leave me alone,” hissed. Couldn’t ignore the hallucination longer. Hands, his hands, pressed over eyes. Like that could stop him.

A pause. He was pausing. Hux did that when surprised. Snoke felt gone.

“I’m not Snoke.”

“Shut up.” Decided to sit up. Finally sat up. Would be nothing more than air and dust but he knew it was taking more energy to stay still than to sit up and he rarely sat up but this wasn’t like then because it was never this realistic.

Was there. He was there. Hux was there. No, here. Yes, with him. His eyes were wide open and pupils probably dilating because he had to take in his image while it lasted because he hadn’t seen his for at least three weeks not that he could properly keep track of time but he knew that any moment he would be gone and he would be alone again and he would probably cry again, and. He was here.

“See? It’s not a trick.”

Eyes shut. Keeping eyes shut. Not looking, yes. Not not not looking at all.

“Kylo, look at me,” pleading, almost desperate, but quiet voice. And patient.

“Eyes can lie,” his voice, also quiet. Kylo almost believed but only almost and almost was never enough when Snoke was there because Snoke hated and hated and kept hating and would never just let him go like that ever, unless he had a reason, but what if he had a reason he could have a reason and Hux was possible even if only a small bit he was. A possibility.

“Can food?” he asked. “I know you must be hungry.”

The smell, there. No, here. Was here, smelled good. Smelled of food. Not hungry, no more hunger, smelled of food, Hux. His face. There, eyes opening, opened, Hux was there, felt of heat, felt of skin on bone touching, touching the hand that Kylo usually didn’t think of as his own but now for some reason did. The smells of before, hours, seconds, no, minutes before. Here on a plate. He was really here.

Kylo, hesitant. Kylo, afraid and anxious and sad and happy and clenching the hand in his so hard it had to be real and how could he have forgotten how Hux’s hand felt when he was comforting him? Of course. Of course, Snoke was away because he was furious and he would be back later but it was alright because for now he was furious because Hux had found him again and this time he could save him from Snoke.

Nodded. He nodded to encourage him. “Slowly now, I have no idea how long it’s been since you’ve had a proper meal”

He handed, he accepted. Purple. Purple with flecks of grey and pointier at the bottom than the top and rounder at the top and smaller than most plums but larger than his mother’s homegrown and sweet and ripe and squishy but still bursting. Juice. Looked up. Double checking? Approval? Yes. Yes, he could eat. Yes, his. Yes, now.

Took plum. Tossed between hands. Now, yes. Yes, eating. Eating, yes. He bit. Hard, bit sweet and juicy. Sweet? Bit into purple, breaking skin. Teeth through skin, through flesh, hard. Scraped the pit. Breaking purple. Juicy?

Hux, gone. Kylo, screaming. Screaming, crying, fading, fading fast, feeling fainting, didn’t faint. Faded. Blood. Not juice, not clear, not veiny. Yes, veiny. Not purple, red. Hand, there it was. Teeth. Hand squeezed. Teeth sunk in hand, crying. Hux was gone. Red ring of teeth. Broken skin brown, not purple.

Kylo spit it out, not juice and plum flesh, but blood, but flesh, spit it out, crying. There was no food and none coming. Crying. Bleeding.

Laughing. Snoke laughing.

Laying down, crying. Kylo, bleeding, spitting, fading, fading fast. Didn’t feel like anyone winning.


End file.
